Sleeping With Ghosts

Subject: Sleeping With Ghosts Thu Oct 25, 2012 1:39 am

"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen... Nobody knows my sorrow..."

Tenor vocals carried across the moonlit plains, drifting like a summer wind fading to autumn. Julien paused and released a heavy sigh that had been hiding in his chest. He wasn't sure where he was going anymore, what he was looking for. What had he come to these lands in search of in the first place? It had no been for a pack. It had not been for his brother. And it had not been for a mate. Was it soul searching that brought him to where he was, or mere boredom? These thoughts clustered around his head and he shook them away. What was the point in thinking about things when so much more could be done? He wandered between the tall blades of grass and came upon a quiet, crystalline stream, dipping his muzzle in and drinking. He knew he was along the borders of Midnight Meadows, but he dare not cross into the territory. They were home to those pure of heart, even though he wasn't sure what that meant. He just knew that it wasn't him... Dyrim was. A pure pack was where Dyrim belonged, and he hoped that that was the place she was. She did not belong with the likes of himself or Sephiroth.

"You should feel good for her. Proud," he mumbled to himself, despite the ugly feelings in him. Feelings. He was always so full of them for no reason. So miserable. If he could somehow detach himself from them, live life by his instinct... He wondered where he would be. At this point, a family was out of the question. He didn't know if he could ever settle down. His lust was too voracious for that. But he wouldn't mind finding someone to sit down and talk with. Just talk. His mind wandered from Dyrim to Adena to Endless Winters... His heart had tugged for all of them, and yet, nothing could be done about it. He would rather be ten minutes with a nameless fae that only needed to quench her heat. Yes, mating season was on the horizon, and the pungent musk of other females drove him to quiet insanity. If he could have just one, he would be satisfied. But he was not in the mating territory. He was in the Lone Lands, contemplating his existence.

"Why don't you care, Julien?" He could hear his father's voice echo in his head. "You said you would mate for life with this girl... but you spill your seed and break her heart? What kind of man have I raised you to be?"

"An incompetent one, dad," he muttered in response, though the conversation was from years ago. He knew why he never cared for the females he met, but he would never let anyone know about the scar that still bled in his heart. Instead, he would maintain his mask of nihilism. Julien poked through the grasses and found an old hole, one now covered over with long grasses, probably used by a fox or coyote many seasons ago. It was enough to make a small bed out of, though it didn't provide the best of shelter. Anything could come along and hunt him... but he wasn't very concerned about that. It felt as if his secrets would get him first. A slow-motion suicide, eating him from the inside out, chasing him no matter where he ran or hid. Endless torture. If only, if only, there was a way to end it all...

"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen... Nobody knows my sorrow..."

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Sun Oct 28, 2012 8:28 pm

It would seem that her respite was brief, the group of wolves she had encountered had aided her but apparently their leader had other business in different lands. Dyrim having traveled far already felt little desire to trek endlessly to some unknown destination to be amongst unfamiliar faces again. There was a sadness growing in her that she could not identify and she thought perhaps it was just the many days alone. She had only managed to capture small morsels, enough to keep her going surely but not enough to keep her a wholly healthy wolf. Life without a pack or a home showed on her face and body but she still was formidable enough. She had spent much of her time skirting the lonelands, smelling the edges of the packs trying to figure out her next move. She had never traveled so far into these lands but she knew of these places from living in Hamara and talking to the few wolves she had encountered here. South she had traveled and now she found herself in a terra that was unmarked but clearly designated...designated for certain wolves who wanted to spend some time together. Dyrim had paused here for some time smelling the different scents feeling oddly lured in by them. Of course she had felt her nature calling before but never very strongly. It occurred to her that perhaps her heat was coming on and she prayed that it remain subtle until she could situate herself somewhere safe. Feeling suddenly nervous she decided to head out from the mating territory and that was when she encountered the hessian.

He was not far from where she was he had clearly seen her and he was now clearly making his way towards her. Her ears flicked nervously but she kept a steady pace back in her southerly direction glancing cautiously at the bru. He was a good looking fit bru with a devilish smirk that instantly made Dyrim a little skittish, there was also something a little more calm and mature about him that didn't send her on the defensive edge. She paused as his path finally intercepted with her own, the two stood a few yards from one another. "Good day to you miss, I don't mean to frighten you just stopping for a friendly little chat. I'm Tercial pleased to meet you." Tercial's soft gaze drifted over the fem taking in her sweet face and wide emerald eyes. It was true that he was quite a social wolf and enjoyed meeting and talking up the wolves who frequented the lone lands. Besides, how else was Despair to get all his news from the packs if not for him? He enjoyed his unofficial job and never minded getting sidetracked by a pretty face. And finding her this close to the mating territory was alway a good sign. His insides hummed thinking pleasant thoughts and memories coming to his mind. He tried his best to emit a non threatening signature, she seemed wary but then again most of them were. But he was no villain either way, just a romantic soul. Well, that was perhaps putting it a little more gently than the truth. He didn't exactly have a wonderful track record with fae's but that didn't mean he still didn't admire them. Dyrim pursed her lips but offered a friendly enough nod to him. "Pleased to make your acquaintance I'm Dyrim... " Before she responded Tercial smiled charmingly and took another step forward "A lovely name, may I ask where you're heading?" If she says back to the mating grounds that would be too easy... Dyrim smiled tentatively her face felt warm. She didn't know her direction or where she was heading but she felt that she needed to give him an answer so when she blurted Midnight Meadows she surprised herself but knew that would have been her next probable destination anyways. She felt little desire to actually join the pack but maybe she could rest there at least.

Tercial's ears flicked at the sound of her voice and thought of how appropriate that she would be going to Midnight Meadows. This fem reeked of pureness and he could not help but be attracted to her shy body language, it called to his protective side and to other sides as well. Her voice was sweet, a soft cadence that he instinctively knew he would be pleased to hear again. "It would seem my dear that a loner like me has nothing better to do than escort a beautiful fae like yourself to her destination if you would have me. Traveling together is always safer and it would be my pleasure." His voice was strong and genuine and his charm was such that Dyrim could no more say no than tell him to cry off.

So it was that Tercial traveled with Dyrim guiding her better than she could have to the edge of Midnight Meadows. By that time he had divined not much about her life but about her personality plenty. The more they walked together the closer he got and her sweet female scent made him itch but he would be a subtle gentlemen. She was not the type to go for the bold and arrogant brus. No, that would only scare her away. As they got closer he read in her body language an uncertainness and when he asked if there was something amiss in the pack she reluctantly admitted that she was not apart of the pack, nor had she ever been here before. Now Tercial sensing an opening in this politely spoke to her about how he would be glad to help her out and hell, even stay with her a few nights out here if she needed the time. She seemed to have warmed up to him and while she was not jumping at his offer she was not certainly jumping at the chance to enter the unfamiliar pack.

Dyrim found herself standing there unsure of what to do. Tercial had been a wonderful aid and guide thus far but she did not know if she was ready to go into the pack. She didn't even know if she wanted to go in at all. But she felt strange about going back on her story with Tercial now so she kept to it. His offer surprised her and she wondered if half the males in this land were as courteous as he was. He truly seemed intent on helping her and she spoke amiably to him about her options. They found themselves talking off topic and little did they know their voices, his charming and her light giggles carried to another who lay not far from them...

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Sun Oct 28, 2012 9:08 pm

He was dreaming... Dreaming of a world of white, of a place far beyond the brilliant autumn surrounding him... A place where ice clung to the trees, where the ocean waves swelled against the limestone rocks, and where icy streams trickled down to rocky beaches. His paws were big, but his steps were not, as he stumbled to one of these streams that opened wide to the sea. He leaned over a small rock, seeing his own cobalt eyes look back, his nose large and ears floppy. He was a child again. He found himself leaning forward, staring into the water, trying to find the trout beneath the slushy surface, but the rock he stood on was wet and he fell in, head over heels. A yelp escaped his throat but was drowned by the water. Legs thrashed in the cold abyss, lungs turning to ice, his veins freezing. The water was deeper than it looked, and the current began to carry him out, salt stinging his nose. Nobody could hear him, nobody could see him, as the sea swallowed him whole...

The granite male woke up with a start, lungs filled with ice, but cold air, not water. His breath came out in a fine mist, a distinct chill in the air; he didn't remember it being this cold when he fell asleep, but it was the changing of seasons. He shivered and shook his pelt, trying to rid himself of the chill, knowing that he could get sick if he slept the way he had been. The little foxhole wasn't enough for the wolf, even though he was a rather small one. There may have even been coyote blood in him. He wasn't sure. He sighed, looking to the stream. "It's all your fault," he murmured, thinking of the stream in his dream, and how he had fallen in. He pulled his ears back and sighed again. "No. It's not your fault. It's mine."

Auds perked at the sound of voices. Instantly alert, he stood up, scouting the border for the Midnight wolves; for all he knew, they could be doing a patrol, and the scent of Muerta still lingered on some of his finer hairs. He knew it was unwise to be where he was. He turned westward and was about to trot off in that direction, when the wind blew towards him and he caught the aroma of lilies...

"...Dyrim?" Her name was out of his mouth before he could stop it. He looked over his shoulder upwind, spying two silhouettes against the moonlight, one male and one female. It was enough to make him turn all the way around to see her form, her jade eyes catching the silver light, and made something in Julien's chest jump in anticipation. He wanted to bark out and run to her, but the man beside her made him stop and bite his lip. Who was he? Was he her mate? She smelled of flowers but also... Yes, he could smell that too. It was early for her season, but it was there. A heavy weight dropped in Julien's gut and he closed his eyes and looked away. He could smell it on him, too... The feelings from before he fell asleep came back, and now he wished that as a child, that he had drowned in the river. "Oh, Dyrim. You're just another one of those lucky sevens."

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Sun Oct 28, 2012 10:30 pm

Dyrim was not so dumb but perhaps a little too slow on the uptake before she finally caught the gleam in his eye and the tension in the air. They had been talking for quite some time and the crickets wicked away at the night around them. When she finally looked she could see it in the turn of his body, the shift of his eyes, it was then she thought that perhaps she should not have been so forthcoming and talkative with a hessian whom she barely knew. In almost an abrupt manner that surprised Tercial she stepped back and cleared her throat ducking her head in an embarrassed and apologetic manner. "Ya know, I think I will go in and talk to the pack and ask about staying there." Tercial clearly taken aback stepped forward not so eager to lose her so easily spoke quickly. "Aye and what’s the rush? The night is young, it would be nice to talk more and get to know each other." He pressed forward more and Dyrim matched him backing up a little defensively now. Her heart began to hammer a little now, it always did even in the smallest of confrontations. It was no question that Dyrim would now and always be classified as a submissive wolf and as such she was not one to handle a dominant male but she would hold her ground...the best she could. "It has been a pleasure truly Mr. Tercial but I find my heart has want of a larger company tonight. You have been very gracious and-" Her sentence cut off when as if out of her dreams a voice saying her name? A familiar scent caught on the wind and her head slowly turned over her shoulder her attention completely caught by the what her nose told her. Glancing briefly once more at Tercial and away again she absently said 'Excuse me' before moving to her left where she caught sight of someone’s form. Surely he had would not be in Midnight Meadows? The cool night air tugged on her dark coat and the silence was profound when she stopped a little ways from the form. Head tilted she ventured a small smile "Julien is that truly you?" She moved closer excited to see his face. She would know once she saw his eyes, they were a truly glorious shade of blue. She was always a little envious of those with blue eyes, she loved the blues of the oceans and sky. It was a light color of freedom and air. The last she had seen him was many moons ago and she was unsure if he would be pleased to see her but he might speak with her some and she would be glad for that. Her attention broke her the smile faltered as she turned her head to look back.

A moment later unhurried footfalls came up alongside her and Dyrim neatly angled her body to be facing him more. Tercial was a little miffed that things had taken such a turn but he intended to put in one last effort. Who was this she called to? She had expressed that she was alone..."Please, I didn't mean to worry you. It has been a while since I have spoken with someone and I would enjoy your company a little longer." He refrained from complimenting her, which he had been doing increasingly throughout the evening. Eyes flicked to the unknown male hoping that his entrance would not ruin the opportunity. Surely another male would understand unless this one was related to her or something.. His voice calm as a soft breeze looked at Julien. "Nice to meet you, you and Dyrim know each other?" His tone was friendly enough and he looked at Dyrim who seemed a little more relaxed but still a little spooked by him. Damn, perhaps she had never been approached before? She did seem so...so damn innocent but her wit is quick enough. He did not offer up his name he needed to take measure of the bru and see if the situation would turn in his favor.

Now normally, Tercial rarely felt the need to acquire a fem so strongly but there was just something about Dyrim that had his mind reeling. He inched to take in her scent and feel her sweet body against his own…Damn since when was he a rearing youth? Hmm interesting, he was unsure that even if events turned him away today he would meet Dyrim yet again. There was a strange burn in his gut for her. And nothing showed but polite interest on his face, the emotion rolling inside of him. Perhaps he should tell Despair that he needed to find a new informer, he was taking some time off…

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Tue Oct 30, 2012 2:41 pm

Blue eyes met green eyes as she called his name. His name. Julien. The granite hessian smiled at her approach, silhouette revealing her speckled coat and gentle features. Yes, it was undoubtedly her, now, with her flowery scent and eyes like the springtime. Had he really been so lucky as to run into her here? He wasn't sure, but as he took a step forward to speak with her, the male from before came up beside her, making him pause.

"Yes," he said, responding to both of their questions. His eyes drifted from Dyrim to the male's. "We're friends. Old friends. And you are?" He kept his tenor voice light, conversational, hiding the way his heart currently clenched in his chest, ignoring the smell of her sex in the autumn air. He watched the way the male would press into her, clearly indicating what he wanted, but she didn't pay attention to him in the slightest. Why? Perplexing. Julien went ahead with the step he had planned on taking; testing the waters, seeing what he could do to test this male's patience without having to do anything at all.

Eyes turned back to Dyrim. "Where are you headed?" he asked. Not, where did you go?, or, what happened?. The past was the past, and he let it be that. It didn't matter to him where she had vanished to after the meeting with Sephiroth. She was here, now, in his presence again. That was really all that mattered. His dark thoughts from before seemed to vanish when he looked at her, and he wanted to take a long walk with her beneath the moon. What they would talk about, he didn't know, but even just seeing her now was enough to satisfy him. She played on his curiosities without having to say a word. With a cool composure, he sat back on his haunches, wondering how this drama would unfold.

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Wed Oct 31, 2012 5:26 pm

Tercial's yellow eyes trailed over the granite hessian, he was obviously pleased to see the fem and with his response did not dissuade him, though it indicated that he may need to tread more cautiously. He inclined his head still not giving his name. The bru's focus went back to Dyrim and for the moment his failure to respond went unnoticed. Now, Tercial was an older wolf who had seen his fair share of this world. He spent most of his time in the lone lands chatting with the locals and seeing to the lonely females that often tread there. He felt this slipping from his paws and it frustrated more than he cared to admit. His own eyes looked back to Dyrim as she was addressed, moving over her face the way she ducked her head and his longing deepened. Her vulnerability called to a deep instinct but he reined himself in. Dyrim's face lit up at Julien's recognition though it was quickly tempered when Tercial stepped forward and joined them. She had dismissed him in a bit of a rude manner, though he seemed oddly persistent even for what he was after...Her face burned under her fur. Ears flicked and she glanced nervously between the two brus. The exchange was friendly enough and when the attention was turned back to her she ducked her head and cleared her throat. The weight of both their eyes made her feel small and her tail tucked slightly. "Umm...well I was going to..."She shot a sideways glance at Tercial, she had not really intended to join Midnight but she had given the impression she was and she did not want Tercial to believe she had misled him for malicious reasons. She had naturally wanted to tell Julien she had no clue, had no clue where she was going since they left Sephiroth. There was no where for her to go and she didn't quite belong anywhere, not anymore.

"...I was um..going to Midnight...for a bit." Another nervous glance at Tercial and then a soft smile to Julien. In her nervousness she continued "Tercial just escorted me to the border and I was just thanking him when I saw you." Her feet shuffled she felt the conversation strain when Tercial spoke his name given away. "And I was just thanking this lovely young fem for allowing me to accompany her, it was more a pleasure I assure." Eyes flashed over to Julien with some hidden emotion he did a little bow that could be construed as mocking "It seems though that I have done my duty and she is in capable paws." He stood turned and looked at the object of his lust. It felt wrong to 'give up' so easily but he wasn't prepared for a pissing contest with a pup and he had a feeling his turn might come again. A pause and a question "Dyrim?" A faint hope that she would contest his choice to leave. Instead she again ducked her head which only made it more endearing and nodded her head. "Thank you for showing me the way, it was nice talking to you, have a safe journey." He felt no anger towards her and instead put on his most charming smile "Always m'dear. Til next time." He stepped past her pausing to nuzzle her shoulder before trotting off into the night not bothering to look back. A subtle game this was, he wanted a taste yet and he thought that perhaps the other did as well but he left some of his scent on her with that last touch, even if she had stiffened at her touch. Ah well, another day..for now he was heading off to quench his thirst.

Dyrim stood a little bit at a lost for words. Ears pressed to her skull, she was nervous for some reason. Glancing once over her shoulder to see that Tercial was truly gone she sat down tail wrapped around her base tightly in a low confidence sort of way. "Sorry about that..." she started not knowing how to finish.

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Thu Nov 01, 2012 2:28 am

What was going on here? First Tercial was at her side, and it looked as if they were together, but then he had just accompanied her to the border? Julien's brow furrowed, but he kept his lips pursed, silent as Tercial made his exit. How interesting. Perhaps he had been drawn to Dyrim's scent as well? Julien couldn't tell, but he decided not to ask questions, and just let things go the way they were. If Tercial had been interested, Julien guessed he would have made himself known. Julien's cerulean gaze turned to Dyrim, her green eyes glowing like a pair of emeralds in the dark. Yet, he found himself looking away once more and to the wide, open plains of Midnight Meadows, the tall grasses billowing in the gentle wind. "Midnight will suit you," he said in a soft voice. "I've heard that they're kinder than most."

He wasn't sure what he meant by that. He didn't believe in the pure-hearted, dark-hearted thing that every other wolf seemed to believe in. For all he knew, Midnight Meadows could be an orderly, militaristic pack with conservative ideologies, one that wasn't kind to outsiders. But he wasn't going to press that onto Dyrim... He couldn't tell her these inner thoughts. No. Once more, even if he didn't believe in this alignment philosophy, something about Dyrim was so pure, so innocent, so... virgin. Julien closed his eyes and shook his head. No. There was no way he would sink to that level. They were friends for a reason.

"There's no need for you to be sorry, Dyrim. You've done nothing wrong," he said. "And don't let my presence keep you from entering the pack-lands. It was just nice seeing you again, and that you're doing well."

OOC: Huh... That photo you chose in your most recent post actually might be of the same collection of photos that Julien's image was taken from. It might even be the same wolf. Idk, I just know I 'shopped a good bit of Julien's face.

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Thu Nov 08, 2012 2:54 pm

Ooc: I was thinking the same thing too! I looked at both of them for few minutes before saying eff it took too long to find one i liked lol. Sorry about Tercial's quick exit, he told me he wasn't feeling it hah Wink

In the wake of Tercial's absence Dyrim's eyes roamed over Julien taking in his state. He seemed indifferent but it was more than that...he seemed to be brooding. By the end of her assessment her head had tilted as if in question but she did not otherwise comment. Her ear flicked once at his comment about Midnight suiting her, a sudden flash and a plague of doubts wracked her. A panic tight in her chest that she shut down before it could get any worse. Shifting on her feet she let Julien finish and found that the next words of her mouth were true even though she had not known it before. "I don't intend to go to Midnight Meadows or any other pack here." Once those words left her mouth she felt herself deflate but a weight lifted off her shoulders as well. She was looking for something she would never find, perhaps she was bound to be alone. Lone wolves never did that well and she knew that she was not as strong as a lot of others. She gave herself two years survival time by herself at the maximum.

Attention jerking rather abruptly back to the present and off her morbid trail of thought she focused back on Julien. Clearing her throat she ventured her question though she didn't intend to pry. "Thinking of joining yourself?" She didn't peg him for the type especially after she found him so at home in Muerta and his earlier way asking her indicated that he wasn't but she figured she would make some conversation before heading off to find somewhere to bed down for the night.

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Thu Nov 08, 2012 10:37 pm

Julien's brow raised in interest. "You're not?" he said, the confusion echoing in his voice. It was only a moment more, though, did he realize why she had said such a thing to Terciel. The bru's form was now a mere silhouette in the distance, fading between the tall, prairie bluegrass. It all made sense, now... It was near mating season. "Ah," was all he said for the moment of clarification. At her question of him joining, he laughed at the notion, shaking his head. "Oh no. I'd be too much of a wolf in sheep's clothing," he replied. "You should know by now that pack life isn't for me. While it does get interesting, it also gets complicated. Messy. Look at how miserable Sephiroth is that Hamara was taken over. He committed himself to that land, that land that doesn't even have a living quality about it other than the animals and plants that thrive on it, and now he's hellbent on revenge... He could be a real Alpha and get the pack back together, but instead he let them spread. It's the reason I don't want to go back to Hamara... Too messy. It was messy when I got there. Muerta was at least interesting, but... those wolves cause chaos amongst chaos."

He wasn't sure where he was going with all of this. Was he being honest with her? Or was he just speaking about all of his cynical thoughts? He shook his head. His stomach was empty and he found himself hungry, but his desire to eat was absent. He knew in the back of his mind that there was only one reason he would ever want to go back to Muerta, and it was for a hunger that went beyond any meat that could satisfy. It was pathetic and selfish of him, just as when he looked at Dyrim in the silver moon, her flowery scent flooding his nares just as much as her musk. He could never take her. It would never be right. But his boyish smile remained on his face as he looked at her. "So, if you're not going to Midnight, what brings you here?"

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Sun Nov 25, 2012 9:27 pm

She listened intently her ears pushed forward the better to hear him speak. It was rare that she had so much company in one night, nevermind someone she actually knew..if only a little. His answer was not much of a surprise but her head was tilted when it spilled over into a little rant about Sephiroth but she felt her heart accept those words and agree. A great distaste rose up in her at the mention of his name, she couldn't help the feeling spreading to her face. She had never enjoyed the bru but had suffered him for Kaia...she held great sorrow in her heart for the loss of her alphess but those where things past and she tried to make peace with them and move on. You could only move forward and change the future. As she watched him speak it struck her that she could finally identify the look in his eyes. Haunted Her mind whispered to her and she felt a little more lost herself but pulled herself back to sure footing.

This whole world walks with ghosts.

She took the moment to look at the ground feigning her usual shyness. Her ears flicking listening to him speak. The mention of Muerta wasn't really pleasing to her, especially how it oddly mirrored her thoughts from before. The land smelled of death and anger and made her skin crawl. In this regard Dyrim was very like the wolves of the pure packs but for some reason she knew it was not where she belonged. He seemed to peter out then turning the conversation back to her. It was always the same when you were not part of a pack wasn't it? Where are you going? Where are you coming from? Are you alone?

Turning her gaze back to him she answered promptly, her voice was light and almost musical "Traveling I suppose, not else to do except walk. Moving is safer. I suppose I'll make a wide arc around Muerta, didn't realize I had come back around so far. Tercial told me they're just northeast of here." Her eyes flicked away at the mention of the other brutes name but held steady once more. Suddenly her ear snapped sharply to her left followed by her head and of course her attention. She stood up quickly body on point, just like a...well wolf on the scent. Her head dropped to the ground, her tail flicking almost instinctively indicating for quiet from Julien.

Her body stalked forward and suddenly she lurched forward in two graceful, slinking lurches her body popped up in the air in a shallow jump before bearing down in a broad dive where she snapped at something in the grace. There was a squeak and then silence. Dyrim raised her head and looked back at Juilen, legs splayed out over her little prize in a comical way. A grin plastered her face and she was lit up with a sort of humble pride. "I'm sorry...that was rude" Even through her apology the corners of her mouth where tilted up with her obvious pleasure but did not subtract from her sincerity. "I don't often get any larger game and I have to take what I can get...except..." Her last word dropped off in a puzzled tone and she looked back down. She stepped back a few yards and she turned a little sheepish. ""I don't know what this is!" She laughed and there again was that musical quality to her voice.

It was a smallish black thing with short pink feet splayed out with claws at the end it's face coming to a paint in something similar to a mouse...the creature (the mole) was soundly dead and Dyrim was unsure if she could even eat it.

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Wed Dec 05, 2012 11:20 pm

Julien's cobalt gaze drifted away from Dyrim as she stood there with her thoughts. Part of him wanted to know what she was thinking, and the other part didn't want to even touch on the subject. So she wasn't going to Midnight, nor to Muerta; no, she was traveling, just as lost as he. As he looked away, the chill in the air turned colder, and when he looked up at the sky once more he found that the stars were no longer twinkling as they were. No, something else was twinkling now... The gentlest of snowflakes trickled from the black heavens, the clouds as faint and soft as angel feathers, the light of the moon still piercing through. Winter was here now, meaning that his journey was going to be made so much harder.

Dyrim suddenly pounced, capturing Julien's attention. She was excited that she had caught something, but at her words of not knowing what it was, he traipsed over to investigate. "It looks like a mole," he said, seeing its star-shaped pink nose and black fur. "They burrow underground, like rabbits." At this unfortunate moment, his stomach rumbled, and his ears fell back. The mole was not enough to feed them both, and he took a step away, to give her the space to eat her kill. He would find food for himself... eventually. He pushed the thought of starving through the winter to the back of his mind. Pack life would be easiest, right now... They would at least have full stomachs. He thought of the rogue clan back out in the desert, but hesitated at the thought. Dyrim wouldn't fit in with the camaraderie of them. They were like Muerta, but with masks.

"We should find a place to bed down for the night," he said, looking to a cluster of pine trees nearby. He wasn't at all tired, but it was better than being out in the open. At this point, his mind drifted back to the last female he had spent the night with, Adena. The scent of silver maple trees filled his nares, though she was not there, nor any maple trees. Yet another female to wash upon his heart. He didn't know what would become of himself and Dyrim if they spent the night together, but at the same time, he didn't have too much of a choice. In addition, there could be other prey waiting for them in the darker, warmer shelter. He glanced at his companion. "I understand if you don't want to. I'm just trying to think of what is best right now," he said, and he smiled. Why did he smile? Because he had her best interest in mind? Even Julien didn't know.

Not sticking around for her reply, he turned and loped for the trees, slowing and sticking his nose to the ground at the approach. There was the crisp scent of pine needles and the faint smell of squirrel, but it was an old trail, days old. He listened hard for any sleeping creatures, but the trees were as silent as they came. He sighed, giving up, and poked his head beneath one of the larger evergreens. He dug at the hard, sinewy earth, managing to dig up enough dirt to make himself a soft bed. The wind still chilled his back, slipping through the fine needles of the tree branches, but at least his chest and legs were warm. He wrapped himself in a tight ball, but did not close his eyes just yet. From where he was, he could still see Dyrim, standing in the moonlight, the snowflakes spiraling down. She was like a silver moon flower, beautiful, but untouchable.

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Thu Dec 20, 2012 5:24 pm

To her pleasure Julien was able to identify the creature she had captured. "A mole.." She canted under her breath finally putting the real thing next to the term. She had heard mention of them before but they were uncommon where she was from. She had certainly never eaten one before and Julien seemed to accept it easy enough. He turned away quickly and her ears fells as she watched him walk away. He seemed quite distant and it was slightly off putting but it just compounded her earlier observations.

Just as quickly he suggested that they bed down and this caused her to look up at the night darkened sky and felt the first flakes of snow touching her face. Her nose twitched and she smiled a little. She had barely notice the change in the air but she supposed that she should be more aware of her environment. "I don't mind..."she mumbled her response though he was already trotting away. She caught the end of his smile and it made her happy. Strife always struck a particular chord in her heart. She hated to see folks down even if it had nothing to do with her.

Watching him go she looked down and quickly bent down quickly tearing a piece of meat and eating neatly. Snatching up the remaining she trotted over to the copse of trees to where he had found a place and dug up a space to rest. To be honest she was not entirely tired too used to traveling in the safety of night but she wouldn't complain for chance to feel safe with a companion. Stopping right before him she dropped the other half of the meal and cleared her throat before looking away. "Here, and don't be a looby and object." And she moved off rustling around the trees looking for loose bits of foliage.

When she had a good bunch of twigs and the like she dragged them back to where Julien was and arranged them in a half circle to where he put his back. One more trip into the trees gave it a little more bulk before she stopped and sat on her haunches. "Helps some ya know?" Green eyes watched him steadily not sure if she should ask after his...health. She was not pushy but she was concerned and not quite ready to sleep.

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Thu Dec 20, 2012 6:12 pm

Her silver form approached his, stepping out of the moonlight and into the shadows where he dwelled. She set down half of the mole in front of him, which admittedly wasn't much, but his stomach begged at the sight and warm smell of it. He reached out and pulled it towards him, about to eat it, when he turned and found Dyrim behind him, piling brush behind his back to keep out the cold. Julien's ears fell back, but a smile adorned his solemn features at her words. "You're too kind, Dyrim. I hope you know that," he said in his typical tenor. She sat her haunches beside him and he shifted in his small earthen indent, trying to make some room for her; they were both rather small wolves, after all. "There's room. We'll also be warmer together than apart."

His sky blue eyes landed on hers. He meant this sincerely, but dark words whispered in the back of his mind that he had other intentions. No. As he had told himself in times past, he wouldn't sink that low. Not for her. Not for Dyrim. They were friends, and he didn't want to tread on that. Perhaps this was why his connection with her was so special. He couldn't tell, but what he did know was that he wanted her next to him... but beyond that, he couldn't say.

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Wed Dec 26, 2012 2:32 pm

Dyrim smiled back at him pleased by the compliment. He scooted over and indicated room for her, which wasn't the reason she had paused but she shrugged and without thought moved in behind him curling against him, her head ending up on his stomach. Shifting for comfort she let out a soft sigh of comfort. There was something so base and satisfying being with another wolf, especially after so long of sleeping alone. She appreciated the feeling of safety and the thought that when she woke she would not be alone. There was a silence in the air that moment, snow filtering down through the trees in the moonlight. It was truly beautiful and the cold did not bother her. Not in the moment of perfectness. It was moments like this she had come to look forward to in her life and she would take as many as she could get. Her eyes drifted shut but her mind still whirled. At last, very softly but loud enough so that she knew he heard she asked. "Julien...are you okay? Truly?" Her voice was saturated in just raw concern. Dryim was the type of wolf that would lend her aid if she could hope to help. There were ghosts around Julien and perhaps this night, he did not have to fight them off alone.

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Thu Dec 27, 2012 11:28 pm

His breath hitched in his throat, Dyrim's warm frame pressed into his. She curled up into his stomach and he found his heart racing... She was so close to him, closer than Adena had ever been when they had shared the den together, and he suddenly had the urge to stand up and flee. But he bit his lip and forced himself to stay put. There was no need to cause useless drama... or at the least, drama he couldn't explain. A history he couldn't indulge. He inwardly flinched at her question; was he okay? Truly okay? No. Even he knew he wasn't. He couldn't place his paw on it. He didn't know why he felt this way. There was no logical explanation for it. He sighed and found his nose burying into her shoulder.

"Regardless of the way I feel, it looks like the Devil's here to stay," he replied, forlorn. "I can't change who I am. That kind of thinking is... stupid. To think that I can change myself. My brother believes in everything. Including the power to change through sheer willpower alone. Ha. He hasn't seen the world like I have." He let his words fade to the wind, whisking crystalline snowflakes past them between the pine needles. It was going to be a cold night, tonight, and he was grateful that he would not freeze, but found himself hesitant that it was so close to Dyrim. He... Fenrir, would he be able to control the voracious hunger growing within his chest? Her scent was all up in his nose, and her heat permeated any other scent in the area. He tensed. He didn't want to lose control. His mind flashed of all of the other females he had been with, and... He buried the thought within his chest. "But what about you?" he asked, curtailing the subject. "I tried looking for you after I ran away from Sephiroth's little renegade get-together... I... I admittedly was worried about you. Are you... okay?"

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Thu Jan 24, 2013 3:40 pm

As she lay there feeling the rise and fall of his chest she felt the change in him at her question. She hoped she hadn't pushed to far, but he spoke even if she could hear the strain in his voice. The suppressed emotion. His nose dug into her shoulder and her eyes opened not daring to move just looking out into the snow coated world around them. She listened to him, his words sinking into her soul. Latching onto her heart. He wanted to change? What could possibly be so horrifying that he needed to change? His words spiraled in her head, his brother hmm? Then just like that he switched the conversation over to her and she felt a rushing gap and suddenly she was on her feet turned around her forest green eyes staring into his ocean depths. "You don't need to change, you are yourself and no one not even your brother should tell you that you need to! Everything you see, everything you have experienced is what makes you and shapes who you are! To throw that away is an insult to these lives we lead." Her words came out with heat and her eyes stayed locked onto Julien. "Who says you need to change? I don't!" Her voice was loud at this point almost yelling. The silence stretched and she licked her lips, her eyes suddenly darting down her whole body indicating a fade back to submission. Clearing her throat she seemed to gather herself back together before flicking a tentative glance his way. Fenrir's bells, what had caused that outburst? "Sorry.." she whispered the snow soft ground eating the noise and leaving only silence.

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Fri Jan 25, 2013 11:05 pm

He flinched at her words, suddenly harsh and heated. What... He didn't need to change? Why was she so insistent on it? His ears flattened. She didn't know. She didn't know anything at all about who he was, what he had done, everything that had happened that he felt almost forbidden to tell... What could Dyrim see? He wondered that. What sort of wolf did she see when she looked into his sky-blue, forlorn eyes? "Dyrim..." All he said was her name. It was all he could say, for the moment, with the way she was looking at him with such fire. A memory passed over in his mind as he thought of Adena, her eyes like fire, or Endless Winter's, hers like a cold fire. He sighed and tried looking away, but he knew it was no use. She thought he was fine the way he was. The truth bubbled in his throat and he knew that now would be the time to tell.

"I'm not an honest man," he said softly. "But what I'm telling you now... is the truth. I don't know why I'm telling you it, either. You want to know why I want to change? It's because I don't like who I am. Why? Simple. I make mistakes. I don't follow through with what I say. I'm a wanderer, a heartbreaker, a somebody with a nobody. When I was young, I chased after a femme. Adrienne, was her name. She was beautiful. Virtuous. Everything I could ask for, and more. I mated with her. She loved me. And then one cold winter morning, I left her... I just... left. I didn't say anything. I went to a den on the outskirts of the territory where my father and brother found me. Both of them berated me for why I abandoned her. But, even I couldn't figure out why at the time. Adrienne was everything I could have wanted, and yet... either some part of me didn't want any of it, or I wanted more of it. Like a greedy pup sucking on their mother's teat. It was after I told them I wasn't going back did they cast me out of the pack, and I've been wandering around ever since."

He paused, wondering what she was going to say, and then deciding that he didn't care. If she wanted to judge him for all that had happened, let her, it wasn't going to change the past. "I know I'm some sort of a different breed. Wolves are supposed to mate for life, but I don't... I don't feel that way. I've mated with many wolves, Dyrim..." he paused again, and dared to look into her eyes. Her evergreen eyes. His breath hitched in his throat and the knot in his stomach tightened, the familiar hunger for something more than meat returning. The scent of her heat permeated his nares and he was so... so ready... His muscles tensed and wrestled the urge to take her by the hips and mount her hard. He wouldn't give into his lust like that, especially not know. He wouldn't give in to being some kind of... animal. Even though he was one. "And I'm trying my damnedest right now to control myself."

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Mon Feb 04, 2013 5:53 pm

Now it was Dyrim's turn to be surprised by Julien's words. She looked him in the eyes as he spoke, his confession falling from his lips. He didn't have to tell her that he was telling the truth she felt the sincerity. His admission was thick with self loathing, it made her heart ache but she listened without interruption to find what caused his pain. What had happened to make him feel this way. So thus the story unfolded and she listened with rapt attention. So he had had a mate and left her? Her head tilted ever so slightly as she listened to his sad tale. He hated himself, hated himself because of the choices he made with no apparent rhyme or reason behind them. Hated himself for the way he cast aside what was considered the smart choices in his life. And when he looked into her eyes declaring that he was a different breed mating with many wolves, she held his gaze. Her face was not a mask of revulsion, disgust or contempt. Her eyes were soft, her ears tilted in concern not judgment.

The crazy thing was that she understood. Completely and consuming she understood. And she accepted him.

She realized that the tendrils of her heat must be making him uncomfortable especially as his last statement drifted into the snow. She unconsciously took a step back to give him some breathing room, the air was so thick with tension she felt it tremble along her bones. It would be a lie to say that she did not feel certain...stirrings..within herself because of her heat but she was not so slave to her instincts that she allowed it to influence her. She knew now that some were not so fortunate, Fenrir's trickster had set himself in the heart of many driving them beyond themselves but also shaping them. She licked her lips her face contemplative. She looked up at the sky, the snow falling beautifully all around them.

She felt strangely giddy all of a sudden and when she looked back to Julien there was a hint of a smile lurking at the edges of her mouth. It was not a smile of knowing or of cruelty, it was a kind smile that was breaking through the walls of her being. "You said you didn't know why at the time...do you know now? Why you left that is..." Her face was a more somber now and she considered his last words she perked up almost as if she realized something. "Oh!" She exclaimed and in a motion so unexpected she all but leapt forward her paws swiping the ground throwing a cascading wall of snow on Julien's head before she danced back and plopped her body on the grounds a few yards away. Her head dropped to her crossed paws, a twinkle in her eye. "I figured that would help cool you off. I'm sorry if I am an...obstacle for you right now." She looked down, her behavior so sure before sudden a little wary. "I can stay a little ways from you if that would help I just...don't want to be alone for once."

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Mon Feb 11, 2013 12:11 pm

The snow came tumbling down on top of him before he had a chance to reply. While it did break his train of thought, it didn't cool him off. No, it actually made it worse. He stood up and snuck out from the underbrush, shaking off the cold and clenching his teeth. He was angry. "Forget it," he spat, but he couldn't look her in the eye. She was too soft for him. She wouldn't understand what he had been through, why he had done it. She said she didn't want to be alone and he wanted to stay but he knew that he couldn't and then she said she could stay away but he didn't want her to leave and oh these thoughts in his head wouldn't leave him alone. Sky-blue hues finally met hers as he swallowed to speak. "Listen. You're not the one that has to go. I do. I hurt and cause trouble to whoever I meet," he said, and paused. "I can stay with you until morning. But after that... I need to be gone."

And where would he go? He didn't know. He was a wanderer, a nobody, a stranger in a strange land. Maybe he would look for Leto. No. He could look for Leto all he wanted, but Leto would never look at him. The same went for his family, Adrienne, Adena, Winter, and now Dyrim. He would go somewhere else where no one knew him. Maybe try and create a new name. Julien. Though fitting, he wondered if a new name really changed a wolf. He paced back and forth in the moonlight, the snow crunching beneath his paws, wafting down from the night sky, twinkling with stars. He could stay with Dyrim tonight, watch over her, but he couldn't get close. No, he could never get too close. He wouldn't let himself become a victim of such feelings.

OOC: Also, here is Dyrim's banner. I don't think it's the best (nowhere near as good as Kane's), but I think it'll work: Sleeping With Ghosts 4fqRgE3

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Tue Apr 23, 2013 1:10 pm

Dyrim's ears flicked down as her little 'stunt' actually aggravated Julien instead of helped. She could feel his tension and again her heart fell. She had messed it up again...she could not help him. She could not help Kaia and she was all alone again. Her face became grim and her throat began to feel tight but she would not let tears escape...this was not his burden to bear. She sat back up and forced a smile in light of the situation. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you." There was a sort of awkward pause before she continued. Taking a deep breath before letting it out she smiled, a sad lopsided smile and looked kindly upon Julien. "You are not a different kind of breed Julien...though you have set yourself in exile you belong somewhere though maybe not with someone." Now she stood up and looked off into the distant night. "No matter what you think I believe you are a good wolf even if you hide in the shadows of those dark packs. And no matter what I am glad that I've gotten to meet you even if it was for a small amount of time. I wish we could spend more time together but Fenrir rarely gives us what we want." She turned her emerald eyes to him and walked closer stopping just before him. "It was a pleasure Julien and I hope we get a chance to meet again. Thank you for staying and I want you to know it doesn't matter what the world thinks of you only what you think of yourself. Keep faith my friend." She took another step forward and nipped his muzzle before turning and lopping off into the dark, dark night and casting one more look over her shoulder from atop a crest. It was better this way, there was no need for him to make the hard choices when he already had so many in his life. She could help him this once by doing this.

She had meant everything she said to him but it would seem she was unsure if there was a place in the world for her.

Subject: Re: Sleeping With Ghosts Thu May 23, 2013 7:00 pm

"I know you didn't mean to upset me, and I apologize," Julien replied, turning around. But when he did, she was no longer there. Her words still echoed in his ears, as if she was right there with him, but she was not. You belong somewhere, but maybe not with someone. The words came slowly to him, dripping through him like rain down the bark of a tree trunk, and then plunged deep within, as a waterfall into a chasm would. Soul-crushing. No matter what I believe you are a good wolf even if you hide in the shadows of those dark packs. There it was - a shudder, a quake through his heart, painful and bewildering. He felt fire in his veins but ice to his skin, and his bones seemed to reverberate to the words she had spoken. But why, why was he having this reaction? Julien felt the need to give chase to her scent, grab her by the scruff, throw her down, and force her to heed the things he had to say, to explain what he had gone through, what he was going through. Right now, it was emotional turmoil, torn by his own pride and selfishness and something... Something he didn't have a word for, but he knew that it was the source of all of this. How could he have just let her get away like that? Dyrim was a kind, gentle soul, and he had done something to push her away, somehow, and he couldn't understand it. He concluded that Dyrim could easily be the source of this war-torn feeling within him, as if she her mere thought was somehow ripping apart his ribcage.

He didn't like the thought of that at all. A part of him knew he was blaming her for all of this, but another part of him felt justified. Before he had met her - long before he had met her, actually - he was a lone wolf, roaming the lands of Fire and Ice, strung along by apathy and carnal desires. But now... Though the carnal urge was still there, there was something tied to it, something he had difficult understanding, and it had to do with Dyrim. "Well... Damn her," he concluded in a harsh tone. Yet though his tongue said it, his insides writhed in discomfort. He truly didn't want to damn her, but it somehow also made him feel better. Such a conflicting feeling. So many feelings, and he wasn't used to it whatsoever.

Julien sat there in the frosty meadow, his mind screaming with too many thoughts and overwhelming feelings, until dawn. A cool, silvery mist settled all around him, the sky pale and grey. How is it that so much could have changed overnight? Before the light of the moon, he had almost come to being able to explain these feelings to Dyrim, but then... Then something dark took over. "You are a good wolf," Dyrim's words echoed in his head. Did she really think that, after what had just happened? He sat in the wake of the cold light of morning. Everything felt almost... surreal, at this hour. But yes, reality had sunk in that Dyrim had left, her ghost like the transparent fog around his ankles. He may as well have slept with her; slept with a ghost.

There was no turning back now. If he was to be found in the shadows of the dark wolves, then so be it, fuck his own independent nature. He would go where belonged, and he would revel in it, be proud of it, show it off if he could. No, he would. The idea of returning to Muerta brought a vengeful swell in his heart, one that felt good alongside the anger he felt, and before he knew it, he was headed for those dark, snow-capped mountains.